Sandy Robertson

Infertility is frustrating enough, but what’s even worse is becoming pregnant only to have all of your hopes and dreams end in miscarriage.  Just when you think you’ve paid your ‘dues’, you think the universe couldn’t be so cruel as to have this happen over and over again.  That’s what I used to think before I realized there was much I could do to overcome both infertility and miscarriage.

Infertility is frustrating enough, but what’s even worse is becoming pregnant only to have all of your hopes and dreams end in miscarriage. Just when you think you’ve paid your ‘dues’, you think the universe couldn’t be so cruel as to have this happen over and over again. That’s what I used to think before I realized there was much I could do to overcome both infertility and miscarriage. I have finally come to the conclusion that there are few things in life we can’t control. We are not victims of circumstance. We can be empowered by realizing that we own (and control) our bodies, our minds, and our ability to attract what we want in our life. It’s not that I think women are responsible for their infertility and/or miscarriages, it’s just that whenever you place yourself in the “victim” mode, you automatically feel like there’s nothing you can do.

I will admit, there may be physiological factors contributing to miscarriage requiring medical intervention, however, in my case, it was a matter of restoring the delicate balance of my hormones and reproductive system. I had six miscarriages before having my beautiful daughter. But when it was right, it was right. I had her at the age of 44 and conceived her without fertility treatments. I had a totally uncomplicated pregnancy and delivery and if I do say so myself, my daughter is perfect in every way.

Getting pregnant is an orchestration of synchronistic events that play out like a beautiful musical masterpiece. Each instrument has to play on cue. It’s mind boggling to think about everything that must occur for successful conception, implantation, and finally, pregnancy. After undergoing a series of unsuccessful fertility treatments (including IVF twice – which resulted in the removal of a fallopian tube after an ectopic pregnancy), I was still certain that I could have a baby the ‘old fashioned’ way even with one tube. Now that I understand how to restore the delicate balance of my reproductive system, I shudder to think about how all the drugs and hormones associated with fertility treatments may have been one of the major obstacles to my success. It’s like the proverbial “bull in a china shop”. I was injecting myself with powerful fertility drugs resulting in major mood swings, hyperstimulation of my ovaries and estrogen levels that were off the chart. We spent $25,000 of our hard-earned money only to walk away with nothing. In retrospect, I think about how that $25,000 could have been a college fund for my daughter, and it’s amazing how financially conservative we are with every other aspect of our life. I can’t think of any other medical procedure done on basically healthy people that is so risky, expensive, and has such marginal success rates. It’s just that you want a baby so bad, you’re willing to do anything and therein lies the danger. Most of us have been so conditioned to seek medical and pharmaceutical help for every disorder, we don’t even consider the ‘natural route’.

With each miscarriage, I was heartbroken but I took comfort in knowing I could still get pregnant. None of the doctors could tell me why I was miscarrying, so they usually fell back on the dismal “pregnancy and miscarriage” statistics at my age. I didn’t buy it. I politely nodded by head and thought “blah blah blah, I’m outta here!” I knew I just needed to get each section of my orchestra to play in synch. It would be impossible to try to control microscopic events like ovulation, fertilization, implantation, etc. But what I could control is how my body functioned on a “macro” level. I did my research and developed a pregnancy protocol that prepared my body and mind and examined a number of other contributing factors such as stress and how my less than perfect upbringing was affecting my fertility. I’m completely convinced that there is a mind-body connection controlling many womens' ability to get pregnant and stay pregnant.

Let’s look at some of the factors contributing to infertility and miscarriage that we can control:

1. Stress

I can already hear you saying “here we go again--- stress management, tell me something I don’t already know”. But let’s take a closer look. I found that there seems to be a profile of women who suffer from infertility and miscarriage. They tend to be very career and goal oriented, driven by deadlines, and may think that they’re expected to “have it all” or at least “all at once”. This attitude is totally inconsistent with getting pregnant and staying pregnant. I had absolutely no idea how much stress I was under until I finally quit my management job. I look back now and can’t believe what a pressure cooker I was in every day. At the time I thought I was handling my stress quite well, but now that I have the benefit of hindsight, I realize I was constantly functioning in the “fight or flight” mode.

2. Diet

The American diet is about as bad as it gets and as other countries get more “Americanized” their diets are declining as well. Even though I’ve always maintained a body weight that was in the normal range, I still wasn’t eating foods that promoted fertility. I researched food and nutrition publications and followed a diet high in hormone regulating foods, fruits and vegetables. Regulating hormones is also critical in preventing miscarriage. As a bonus, foods that are good for fertility are happen to be great anti-aging strategies as well! It’s great for my ego when people ask me “Are you going to have another baby?” and I am now 47 years old!

3. Visualization and meditation

If you really want to attract something into your life, you need to see yourself as already having it. Many amateur and professional athletes use a combination of visualization and meditation before their competitions. It’s no different if you’re trying to get pregnant or if you’re already pregnant and you want to stay that way. I developed a number of visualization and meditation techniques which helped me get pregnant and carry to term.

4. Examine your attitudes about family and children

You should go back and confront your long-held attitudes about family and children. I grew up with parents who were totally mismatched, and as a result, I didn’t even want children until I was in my late 30’s. I had such negative impressions of marriage and family that it’s no wonder my body was sabotaging my efforts to get pregnant and stay pregnant. I had to get my mind and body in synch. When I ran a women’s infertility support group, I was always amazed at the number of women who said “I always knew I was going to have a hard time getting pregnant!” Seems to be a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy, doesn’t’ it?

Again, there are some women who have physiological factors that contribute to their infertility and or miscarriages, and it may be impossible for them to have a successful pregnancy without medical intervention. But for me, everything seemed to fall in the unexplained category. Well, I finally found the ‘explanation’ – my orchestra needed some fine tuning. It was very empowering when I finally realized I was in control of my body not the doctors!

Copyright © 2006 Sandy Robertson

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Sandy Robertson is the author of "You Can Get Pregnant Over 40, Naturally". She is a stay-at-home mom who writes and teaches part-time at a local community college. She has run a support group for her local infertility organization and continues to speak to women and couples struggling with infertility and miscarriage.

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